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Life in Scrabble


 

Jump. J on the triple letter for 28 points. 

Great word, Betsy, you bitch. That was my spot.

Don’t spoil my fun, Chelsea. You’re winning by 50 points. You’re my word idol—

Woof!

—And, speaking of vicarious thrills, has that guy from Frank’s gym called you yet?

Frank?

The one who couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

He’s the Frank. And no, he hasn’t called. What about you?

Woof! Woof!!

Calm down, Thor. You just had walkies. Chelsea, I can’t flirt like you. It’s fun to watch, but I’m not built that way.

We are built exactly the same.

We may be similar in size, but you have discernable breasts and glowing, flaxen hair.

You need that new shampoo and I need to make a word of vowels. There. Eight measly points.

Ai is a word?

It’s a three-toed, sloth. Look it up.

You see Chels? You make the best with what you have – in Scrabble and life. You make a great word out of two vowels, and you point your breasts and flaxen hair at handsome men who own gyms. I’ve been dealt a glacial metabolism and the Q.

You crack me up, Bets. Seriously, we’ve got to get you laid.

What I’ve got to get is a U-less Q word! Pass me the dictionary.  

C’mon. There’s gotta be someone who ticks your boxes. Give me an example.

Qi, qat, qadi...

An example of a guy you’re into!

Thor.

Woof, woof, woof!!!

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